It’s incredible how hard it is to break the cycle. I used to tell myself that i’d drop out of school to focus on work. 7 long years later I have a BA in English and transcripts with streams of A’s and B’s with no hint of a any “break” to be found. It’s a struggle. And it’s not just school. Lately I’ve been feeling like I’ve got to do more, accomplish more, push harder, but there’s no end in site. It’s like Wallstreet, except with spelling tests, macaroni art, and Comics…not twenty billion dollar hedge funds.
What the hell are we all working towards? And why the hell are we working so hard? My friend just quit what any of us would consider a dream job. He figured out how to pull the plug. How to disconnect from the cycle and find a way to do something that mattered to nobody else but himself. That’s a beautiful thing. I don’t think I’ve managed to do that. I don’t think I’ve figured out what I want to do, much less how to do it, but every day, like clockwork, I wake up and work like hell towards some imaginary goal. A goal that would suggest I have at the very least the slightest clue of where I’m headed. Hah. Wouldn’t that be something. I have absolutely no idea.
I know everyone’s looking at me like, “you help shape young minds, and write blog posts for a living, what the hell are you complaining about?” And I hear you. I sympathize. I’m not complaining. But all of that is a cycle too. Or at the very least peddling like hell on bike pointed in a direction I’m not sure about. It’s not a complaint, just an observation. Where the hell are we headed and why are we rushing to get there?
To put it simply, I can’t stop. The pedals won’t stop turning on this bike and I can’t hop off because I’m already moving too fast. It’s not a bad place to be. But I’m still not quite steering. I’m getting there. Figuring out the brakes. But I’m not in control yet.
Oh yeah, the SSB comic is coming out soon. Our artist is hard at work drawing up a storm. It’s absolutely going to be awesome.
Told you I couldn’t get off this damn bike.